The lamp, the toilet and the cleaning lady

I love to read. I always had. I remember in my younger years sitting in the rocking chair on the balcony, looking out to the street immersing myself in a good old book. Then I remember me crying because someone had interrupted me to do some ordinary and mundane task the required me to step away from "The Lady of the Camellias"...that Alexander Dumas knew how to write a book or two.

I always had time to read. I took books with me, read in bed, maybe at lunch time.

When I has getting ready to have the little guy I said to my Sister that I couldn't wait to be home so I could relax and read. She laughed. Being a recent mother herself she said I was not going to have any time. Well, she was right. I guess I've forgotten how much time consuming a baby could be. At the time I was reading "Four Blind Mice" by James Patterson...the kid is now 16 months and I have not finish the book. You would think that I could read when he naps or watches TV but I always always find something to do, like laundry, closet organizing, cooking, etc.

In comes the toilet.

As any mother will know, bathroom time is precious, is golden, and sometimes even a miracle. I've been knows to be washing and blow drying my hair at 11:00pm for lack of time. Lately I had a moment of Serendipity~ I've discover that my bathroom time could also be my reading time! Turns out that I could leave the kid with the hubs to go take a shower; bring a book with me and sit in the bathroom for 20 minutes of uninterrupted reading time before I jump in the shower. Pure Bliss.

Yipeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

It does not happen everyday, but now I know now where I can find extra time for me: in the throne! :)

And now that I'm in the subject of toilets I can talk about the "cleaning lady".

I have said previously that the smell of AJAX and Clorox is intoxicating to me (not like: the fumes are killing.me.intoxicating, but like ahhhhhh, that's smells clean type of deal). I like a clean organized home. I like coming home and smelling a clean scent. So I was more than thrilled when one of my favorite blogs had a giveaway of cleaning products. It was sponsored by another blogger that sells these Shaklee "environmentally-friendly" cleaning products and we where to contact her if we won- 10 winners to be exact. Well I was one of the "lucky ones". So I email said lady - a very popular blogger BTW- and asked her what I need it to do to received my prize.

And nothing happen. No reply at all. So I posted a comment on her blog. Nothing again. Email her one more time. Nothing. Now, she keeps posting on he blog so I know she MUST read these messages at some point. After my 3rd email I felt like I was begging for a cleaning product, and who wants to feel that way? I do want to try the product so I may just buy it from the web, but NEVER from her. She underestimate the power of word of mouth. I could give praises to this product and recommend this to friends and family, but guess who is not going to be recommend or gain any sales from my part?

I was actually thinking of posting a link to her blog to see if she has any ovaries to respond to me(not the lady with the giveaway- she is a doll) but I figure is always best to take the high road. But lady...you SUCK.BIG.TIME. That's just bad manners. Oh, and now I don't even want it. She can shove it. Plus I would have promoted that sucker up like no body's business. Her loss, really.

And now, going my usually style {backwards} I'm on the hunt for some lamps for the bedroom. I am redoing our room sine my bed and comforter set is going to the older kid's room. I have search high and low looking for something affordable. The GW has not delivered, and even though I have found some nice choices at HomeGoods and Target I'm still not willing to spend $50+ on each lamp. Remember, I still need to get a new comforter set too. Then the Sis sent me this picture:

New Lamps for $9.99 @ Ollies? Yes, thank you. I may paint them...not sure yet. But I like the price. I'm going with a white, green and blue scheme so the silver will also work. Now on the hunt for drum shades!

Over & out

***Pictures taken on my way to pick the hubs. Yeah driving. I don't text and drive, but I will take a picture***

The Cat in the HAT

I've been really busy trying to catch up at work after the monumental storms that hit us. Every night I turn around and look at the clock only too see its again midnight...and I still need to wash my hair. Needles to say I've been dead tired...and also my eyesight that was bad its getting even worst.

So I leave work later and pick up the little guy, I get home and open the door and I see Pearl (our cat) jumping of the couch and running for dear life. I call her...

Me: pearl, pearl, what happen baaaby (insert baby talk here) c'mom you fat girl, come to mama, whats wrong? booo boo gagagaga {ok kidding there}


me again: peeeeaaarllll, come heereee. why are you hiding...

silence

then grunt

follow by soft meowwwwwww

I call again...Pearlll...c'mon...

By this time I have the baby on the bed and I'm taking his coat off...then
SWISSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
cat jumps on bed all happy and meowing even more...only IT WAS NOT PEARL!
ACKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK


me: sho, sho, sho...who the hell are you (oy, that sounded like rap, carry on)


meow, meao meow.

GET OFFcat runs out of the bedroom but lays on kitchen floor. Pearl is no where to be found.

I dial the Maintenance in our building. Phone is disconnected (WTF?!) did I mention that.we.just.move?


call hubs: there is a cat in the house and is not ours.


hubs: what.da.ya.mean a cat?


me: four legged creature, small, furry, long tail, usually kills mice.


hubs: funny. what are you talking about?


me: there is a cat here and I am locked in the bedroom. I'm calling Cust. Service. Bye (I'm not afraid, I'm an animal lover darn it, but I have a 9 mo baby and a senior cat and I don't know where this cat came from or if its sick, has feline AIDS, fleas or rabies)

Instead I call the Sis first, cause really...I have too.

Repeat conversation above. Sister laughs at our luck. In our last place we had a mama Squirrel and her two babies under our sink, they got there...thru the AC VENT! Anyways I am wondering if someone was here...

Sister: yeah, maybe someone let him in

Me: what if they are still in here?

Sis: what?!

me: let me check if there is a killer here, if you hear me scream call 911

sis: uhm...you're crazy

me: (open door, close door, check bathtub, baby's room closet,etc) nope, not here, let me see here ...OUCH...I'm ok just slam the door on my finger...uhm..nope, no one under the bed...ok we're good.

Sis: ok, then..

we hang up.

So I call Customer Service...not business hours...leave message.

Beep: yeah, this is Patricia from blah blah blabiddy, there is a cat inside our place, all our windows and doors where closed. I'm guessing someone was here and let him in. I want the locks change IMMEDIATELY. hang up.



I grab baby on one arm, use my fake baby voice and manage to make the cat go outside...so out his stays in the hallway. I don't care. Cat meows incessantly for 5 minutes. then silence.

A little later is time to pick the hubs from the train station. By this time Pearl has reappeared and seems upset. ha- like I brought the cat in!

drive.
pick up hubs
drive.
come home.
Telling hubs the story as we are entering the building. I look around and I don't see the cat...must be someone's cat. I looked in the laundry room...nope, no cat.
Hubs opens door...Pearl is running from the living room to the bedroom. Hubs walks in first. Stops on his tracks and says with freaky ghost movie voice: "its baaaacccck"

SERIOUSLY?!!!! WTF,WTF,WTF!!!!

I go to the bedroom while hubs tries to figure it out how Houdini got in (oh yeah, I name it)

he yells: PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


me: yes?


hubs: come heeeeere....


me: what?


hubs: he is entering from behind the stove


me: what? You're crazy


I looked and see this skinny mini is indeed coming out from behind the stove.
we pulled the stove out and on the corner behind the cabinets there is a hole in the wall.

For the next hour we chase, grab, lost, spray, put food, push, grab more, move furniture, put back furniture, trying to catch Houdini. Pearl was freaking out, she is like a bitter old lady criticizing the young generations for dressing like a ho. She is hissing and making grunt noises. All in good fun. BTW- the little guy is laughing thinking we are playing some fun musical furniture game. I finally cave in and grabbed a box of diapers, empty it out, place cat food in it and catch the little fellow (with pink gloves on of course 'cause I'm a stylish mama)

UFFF

Hubs place a cardboard on the hole and tape it shut in the mean time.

Now I have to call CS again to let them know that the crazy fat white and black animal is ok, because it would not be funny if they come and let Pearl out thinking she was the intruder.

Over & out

P.S
My oldest is dating...a girl name Patricia :)
Oh, and I have to tell you why I love craiglist

Adventures in Dating part Dos

First off I would like to say the following is not in any way, shape, or form trying to make this person seem bad. We are currently good friends and he was/is a nice person. But hey, a girl has to use every material she’s got. Not my fault I dated a bunch of sitcom characters :)

Mr. M and I meet while in college. He was the best dress guy in the whole place and I’m not even kidding. The guy never EVER wore sneakers to College which was an oddity. (let me take this moment to say that if you are not going to the gym or preparing to walk the mall with me, don’t wear them. I don’t like a man wearing sneakers) Also wore Shirts every single day. I mean not once did I see this guys in a T-shirt while out in public. Always well dress, smelling fantastic, shirt pressed, nice-clean shoes. We use to hang out with the same people. One day, we where sitting by the cafeteria and he was drawing something is his notebook, when I looked over it was me! I though it was really sweet. (insert warning instrumental music here...uhm...let's use the one from JAWS shall we?)

The next day when I showed up for work (in a small plaza, in a kind of like footlocker store), one of my coworkers pointed out that he had been there looking for me. I looked outside and saw M. sitting by. He saw me and came in and told me this: “Hey, good Morning, how are you?…I came to tell you that I like you” Say it with me: AAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

Of course I dumped current date #57 (which was the cheapo from this post) and proceeded to date Mr. M.
Now Mr. M had a secret, he was younger than me (not in a Mary Kate Letourneau young) and I didn't know this. True it was not by much, but you know the deal how girls mature faster than boys? so true.
At the beginning all was well, he was kind, polite, caring and a gentleman. He was smart and funny and had great taste in Music. I’ve already established he was a sharp dresser but what I’ve not said is how freaking fantastic his body was. Seriously, I’m talking Mark-Walberg-on-those-Calvin-Klein-underwear-adds good.

The guy went to the gym 6 days a week and on the seventh, he ran. Hold a second, let me wipe some drool. got it, carry on...

You are probably trying to figure out what the heck was wrong with him. And I tell you what it was: he was OBSESSED! I mean freakishly obsessed with me. Flattering at first, ‘cause C’mon- who doesn't want to be adored? plus I think I’m awesome, but it got so bad it was just... funny.

It started like this:
We would be talking on the phone…

Me: ok M. I’m gonna go take a shower and wash my hair so I call you when I’m done.
M.: OK, love ‘ya.
Hang up

5 minutes passed.
Ring, ring, ring

Me: alo?
M.: hi hon, what 'cha doing?
me: I told you, I am going to take a shower…
M.: oh, I though you would be done
Me: uhm, no. I’ve haven’t even got in yet…see I’m a GIRL…
M.: OK, call me when you are done
Me: Okidoki

5 minutes passed, me undressed in the bathroom.

RING, RING, RING... Mommy Dearest yelling that M. was on the phone. Me screaming back "tell him I’m in the bathroom and I call him back”…ring, ring, ring…3 more times bythe time it took me to shower. And that was just the beginning.

I would tell him that I was going shopping with my friend and he would call her cell phone 11,000 times asking me why was I spending time with her, that the time I was with her I could be with him instead, that why I didn't want to be with him, blah, blah, blah. At first I though he was insecure but then he got even more hysterical. Waiting for me after every class, constantly calling me or showing up where I was. My family has been a member of a Country Club forever and to attend their festivities you obviously had to be a member. I went to a picnic in said Club with the family, while walking around I found Mr. M (or rather he found me). He had jumped the fence in order to get in and see me.

Another time we where arguing and I decided to leave. We where in the parking lot at school and I got in my car and told him we would talk later when I cooled down. He said no ‘cause he knew I was going to dump him. I said I wouldn't but to let me leave…all this said with me at the wheel and him standing outside. Well, he decided he was not going to let me go and jumped on the hood of the car and grab to the wipers and said he was going with me. All this while I had a friend in the car and the entire building cheering and screaming for me to take off with him on top of my car. NICE. So I lowered the window to tell him he was being stupid, he jumped so fast I didn't had time to react and he put his hand inside and unlocked the car and got in the back refusing to get out. I had to drive him to his home and sit with him while he cried and cried and cried…

There was also the time when I was driving and he was arguing with me 'cause I wanted to go out with my friend. He jumped out of the moving car, roll over and start running in a Mission Impossible Style. I stopped the car and watched him ran away. I laugh so hard I had to park to the side to gain my composure. Then when I drove off and got home he called me to ask why I drove off. He apparently ran the block and expected me to be there waiting for him (don’t worry, I was only barely going 20Mph)

AGH, also I never saw a man that cried so freaking much. It was tiring and annoying and even though everything else was wonderful *WINK* I had to cut him loose. There was so many more incidents and so many more stuff but then this post would take forever. (like the time he showed up at Basking Robbins because I was with a guy friend and he found out and proceeded to insult me and screamed at me in front of everyone there? yeah…) We parted ways and eventually talked things out and he realized he acted psycho. We have become good friends and we are still in communication. He has a beautiful baby boy now and I wish him only the best 'cause overall he was very nice to me. (yeah, this is him)

Also, please take note that Ive NEVER felt threatened by him and he was never abusive, never raised a hand at me. Just saying…

Over & Out

Adventures in Dating

Fair warning: These kinds of posts may be long so I decided I am going to be splitting them for easy reading.

So it’s only fair that I introduce you to the wonderful world of dating “Patricia’s Style”
HEHEHEHE Ok, so not really since I have no clue how on earth I manage to get married ~ I’m thinking hubs must have had temporary insanity or something but he is stuck now since I don’t believe in divorce: either he kills me or I’ll kill him :)

I have the worst dating record in history. And that my friends, is including fictitious characters that you may found around. If there was a weirdo or looser in a 20 mile radius, you can bet my beautiful huge ARS that I was attracted or was in contact with him. I am not even going to go into detail of the wonderful character I dated for 3 agonizing years, fighting my family over him, nurturing him back to health (both physically and psicologically), the fact that I quit a semester of college for him, and all the other crap I had to put up with…only to have him called me on a Friday afternoon to tell me he had met someone two weeks prior and that he was getting married that Saturday. Yeeeeeeahhhhh, he was nice that one.

Did I mention he kept calling me after that and wanting to be my “friend”? The sad part is that I did continue to be his friend for a few years until I finally cut his poisonous ass from my life. I can understand Serial killers after him.

No, my friends. I want to talk about the fun ones. The hysterical ones, the ones that where a little weird, the odd ones and the ones that are a lot of fun to talk about.

Let’s start with boyfriend #57 shall we? (I have no clue which number he was so this is just random and silly):

He was absolutely gorgeous. I actually saw him at his place of work one day and never ever dreamt that he would look at me. His name was Angel, and by golly he looked like one. Then one day I was walking downtown to get my car after a fight with the Mother. He is walking towards me and gives me a compliment on my eyes. I Think I said “yeah whatever” and he though that was cute and follow me in his car and offered me a ride. (Mind you this was back in the motherland where this is not so creepy). I told him no, but when I realized who it was, I ended up taking his number.

Oh Boy! The fun we had…well, not really but I have fun talking about him. He asked me to the movies. I told him yes but that 2nd oldest sis will tag along {I liked her, so that was my idea} he said he was ok with this. He picked us up on a Saturday evening and drove us to the movie theather. We parked, we walked, then he made the line for the tickets… he bought himself one and walked in…leaving me and my sister with our jaws dropping. We laughed and just got our own tickets. By the time we got inside he had already bought himself a Large Soda and Popcorn. Oh, don’t worry, he signal to the bag and asked me if I wanted some. Really? A handful just for me? I’m sorry but chivalry is not dead in my book. AND THEN he tried to kiss me Good Night. I-don’t-think-so. That was so weird and so funny that I decided it to give him a chance.

We talked and he was nice. But after a few weeks my birthday came and this guy (who by the way was in no way poor) did not even send me a card. My BFF (ha! I finally got a use for that!) had sent me a balloon arrangement with a Teddy and chocolates. I took the card that came with it and hide it. I was waiting for him to come visit that evening and I though maybe he was waiting to see me. No such luck. So when he asked me about the arrangement I innocently said “Oh my, I though it was from you!” Now I am not materialistic in any shape, size or form but one single rose or a card would have gone a long way, especially if you are trying to wow me. I cut him loose a few days after and he actually had the nerve to show up at my job and asked for a chance ‘cause he really liked me. Yeah, ok buddy. NEXT!

One more for today:

Proposed date guy #73

I met him thru Match.com when I was in a point in my life that I just wanted to go out and meet people. (Which my friends assured me was going to secure a prime position on the local newspaper headlines). He seemed normal thru his profile and we agreed to meet in person after a few weeks of talking online. I am not completely crazy (insert joke here) so I decided to meet him at the Manhattan Mall in NYC. I figure lots of people, lots of places to hide.

Before I proceed I should tell you that I’m short. I’m 5 feet full of sassiness tall just like Shakira. Too bad that’s where all the similitude’s end ~Carry on.

So when I saw him with book in hand (yeah, I went there) I was like “you are joking right?” I mean I know what 5” 10” looks like and you are definitely NOT IT. But I hate hurting people’s feelings so I decided to meet him anyways. He was nice and polite and preppy. He took me to a Japanese Restaurant and was a gentleman all the way. The conversation was nice, nothing earth shattering but as we walked back I though, well maybe I just gained a new friend. So we are talking and walking and we just passed in front of St. Patrick’s Cathedral and he turns his head to look at me and smiles and asked in the sweetest politest voice: "Do you like to be spanked?” and gave me the creepiest smile EVER.
TAAAAAAXI!!!!!

I suddenly had a stomach ache and cut the night short. Uhm, No, no need to walk me to the train station, I will get on this cab right away or run from you like a bat out of hell, but thank you. Yeah, sure…of course I’ll email you. BYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. As I was running in my heels to hail that cab.

Over & Out

P.S
Not to give TMI but even if I did like that, seriously asking me? On a first date?
And yes, they are more dating stories to come :)