Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Of love and other demons (Del Amor y otros demonios)

I'm taking the title from the great Gabriel Garcia Marquez and one of his terrific books.
I'm alive. I think I'm well, or at least much better...except for the sleep. Haven't slept well in weeks. I'm averaging about 4 hours if I'm lucky...last night was a little better.

My breaking point came in the form of me breaking down in front of my desk, crying...sobbing...while my adolescent son came and hug me and told me everything was going to be ok. He also asked me to go wash my face because his shirt was now full of buggers and drool. I'm so hot & sexy.

It was just one of those weeks in which everything fails, everything was going wrong, family members with health issues, then our own money issues. Don't get me wrong, I am a fighter and if I wrote here some of the things I've survived a) you probably wont believe me or b) would have someone make me an offer to write a book.

I am well aware that just by the mere fact that we have a place to call home we are so very lucky. And as I drove by a bus stop and saw this poor woman freezing in the cold I was thankful to have a way of going around town with my kiddos. I know I have more than some, that was not the issue. I was f*ing feed up with not getting a break. We try and try so hard and it seems like there's always something. I know we all been there.

I couldn't sleep and then I couldn't get out of bed. I mean I would get up, take the hubs to the train station, make the little guy breakfast and climb back in bed. But there where some days that my hubs and oldest kid had to take care of I lay in bed. Was I depressed? maybe. I just needed to be, and cry, and get it out and collect my bearings so I could move on.

Some things have finally clear up and that's great. But all this left me with a feeling that I needed to clear up my life. I wanted to delete this blog and my FB account. But then I communicate with our family that is far away thru these means so instead I left FB for family only and cleared the majority of the blogs I followed- I'm down to 30...maybe I would cut down even more.

I know we each have to do what is best for us, so when I found myself being jealous and feeling like a pathetic looser because I couldn't paint my house, redecorate, have crafts and projects or have this terrific new pillow, vase, etc I knew it was time for change. I needed to read only blogs that make me feel good and happy. Blogs of people who sometimes struggle like me or one's that I felt where really sincere (AND YES Short & Chic is very important to me because she talks about nail polish and THAT is something I can afford. SOOOOO There.)

I'm still trying to get some more sleep, trying to relax more and think less. Not to worry about anything that is not completely necessary, be thankful that we ended this year WAY better than we start it, but over all I have to say I am thankful that I got help. I highly recommend my two therapists:

Ben & Jerry :)

Over & out

Saturday, December 18, 2010

It's my party, and I cry if I want to

I'll be back next week...I decided to have a nervous breakdown this week.
Don't worry, nothing good chocolate and a bad movie can't cure

Over & out

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Mommy Dearest part II

here is the proof that the Mom-ster hates me:

a clown? seriously? and Karina as a Holland Maiden?
oh mother!

Over & out

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Tale of the Body thieve (aka flu)

Yes, I'm alive. I survived an encounter with the flu even though I didn't get the vaccine. Thankfully between the hubs and the oldest they took care of me and the little guy. One day I woke up and my oldest vacuumed the entire place, cleaned his room, had feed the little one and cleared the dishes. I think I should get sick more often.

I have, however, been doing some retail therapy without actually shopping...kind of window shopping over the net. Wanna see? First off this beautiful hand bag from handbag Heaven (what a lovely name, isn't?) $43.16

These are from payless:

Above $45 and below Christian Siriano $49.99 (a little pricey for Payless but I still love them)

And this gorgeous boots from Miz Mooz! ahhh, I swear I wish I had a closet full of boots...although these are $ day.

I did find the covete nail polish grey area from the previous post. Got it at Ulta along with this fellow:

It's called Cuckoo for this color. Thankfully I had $9 worth of points with ULTA so he came home with me for free :) awwwwww nail polish makes me happy. Not like job hunting, that stresses me to no end, specially because I got no call backs. Lets see what happens.

Off to make dinner.

Over & out

Monday, December 6, 2010

Friend Making Monday's by All the Weigh

The lovely Kenz @ All the Weigh has another Friend Making Monday question: What are you excited about this month of December?
For me this is quite easy, last year at this time we where homeless...and not the we are going to loose our home and have to sell, but more like we-are-gonna-have-to-sleep-in-the-car kind of deal. It was hard and awful. Probably one of our lowest points. I wanted so bad to have a place again, to decorate and have a tree for the kids.

So this year I was so happy that we where blessed with a place to call home. My number one was:
Putting out the Christmas tree and decorations

N0.2 seeing everyone in NYC for Christmas. They are a fun bunch and usually they have a way of lifting my does help I have a great Sister in law.

What where/are you looking forward to?

Over & out

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Loving the pretty things

This post was going to have a very different tittle...something to the effect that people anger me. No, I'm not a hater of any sorts but lately unappreciated people make me really angry...or maybe is sad...sad that they do not see what they have an do not appreciate it.

A very popular blogger posted about being minimalist and how Christmas decor was annoying her. She has every right to feel that way, but I saw so many people agreeing with her. Does EVERYONE out there feels is no longer needed to decorate for Christmas? if that's the case, that is very sad to me. It kind of makes me feel like when I watch HGTV House Hunters: the house is perfect but they don't like it because it has a pink bedroom...really? ever heard of a paint brush?

I remember the blog "Rue's Peanutbutter & Jelly" and how she no longer blogs publicly. It felt there was a competition, all the houses looking almost the same. It didn't feel like anyone was putting any though but rather following along the "big" bloggers. How she felt out of place because her dinning room was red and not the trendy all white. I do love the inspiration but we are not all going to be the same.

I was fortunate to grow up in a upper middle class, all 6 kids going to private schools and universities, having maids, building a new home out of pocket (by my Father) but life has thrown me a few curves; big ones actually. I DO know the most important thing is to have my family with me and their love and health, but believe me...being homeless gives you a new perspective on things.

Last year I wanted so bad to have my Christmas tree up, have my own kitchen, my own towels, my own bed. I though of all my little nick nacks and how I wanted them. We did give and throw away a bunch of stuff, and every season I donate the things we no longer use...I get that.
What I don't get is being bother by the pretty Christmas lights, the ornaments, the feeling of the Holiday these things brings.

Is not all, but it helps...because if you see yourself without them one day, trust me, you will dream of having them again. Getting off my soapbox again, I better switch gears. Lets talk about lovely things, shall we?

Right now I'm loving my new Christmas CD by Trans-Siberian Orchestra.I want one of these too. 32 shadows, blush and bronzer, 8 lip colors and 5 eyeliners. Come to mama. (Tarte Jewelry Box)and tomorrow after my lovely encounter with the unemployment office I will be on the hunt for this: (Pic from Short & Chic)

because I want to change the one I'm currently wearing...China Glaze Wagon Trail (dark greenish)

so that is it. Let me go watch Family guy :)

Over & Out