And then the Doctor said those dreaded words...

you're fat.

Ok, she didn't actually said like that, but it felt that way. I saw her yesterday, but let me pedal back: as you know I want to loose some weight, it hasn't been for looks*lie* but because I want to be healthier. Lately with all the traveling and the ruckus at home I fail to log my food intake, and forget about exercising. I long ago decided not to weight myself but instead aimed for feeling healthier and how my clothes felt. I was thinking I should love myself no matter how much I weight, I can look cute and sexy if I want to. I watch shows like Drop Dead Diva and say "she looks good for a chunky girl", so I think is ok to be overweight.

And don't get me wrong, she looks gorgeous regardless of her size.

Then I started to feel more and more out of whack. Sleepless nights, then the days I did sleep I over slept so much I would wake up with a headache; my knee was hurting, then my left arm has been in constant pain, not been able to bend it with out feeling a pinch. Feeling sluggish, tired, AND skipping periods. I seriously though I was pregnant and did a home test...it was negative. Still my Aunt Flo didn't come. Two months without it. It was strange. I'm 35, so I didn't think I was going thru "the changes", so I made an appointment to see my Doctor.

I was dreading this because I knew she was going to be disappointed I haven't lost any weight. She had warned me about being closed to having serious problems (diabetes, heart condition, cholesterol).

Part of me was in denial, thinking I was doing ok, thinking I was doing my happy dance by just accepting myself the way I am (see happy dance below) when in reality every time I tried something and took it off again because I looked fat I KNEW how bad it was.

I'm not going to lie, seeing my brother in a Hospital bed gave me a jilt, I wanted to make sure I was ok. I was not prepared at all to see the scale...UGH...I don't even have the guts to post it here...is that bad. My Dr. who I like very much, is the type of Dr who will sit with you and look you in the eye and tell you the facts. It was hard because she saw I was shocked and nervous.

She told me about being over weight and the consecuences: the hormone imbalance, skipping periods, difficult conceiving, the increase chances of having a still birth, the hair growing in funny places, the joint pain, all of the things she told me previously PLUS the fact that I now need to be on top of my colon because of my Brother's cancer....sigh...

She asked me what it would take to motivate me and I told her the truth...I don't know.

I should do this for the kids, for me, for the way I want to live. So the Hubs and I had a serious discussion (remember, he also needs to loose weight) and he committed to being my partner and help me achieve the "From couch to 5k" program from Coolrunning. I'm praying I can do this, I need to. I will continue to search for motivation and inspiration but like my Dr. said no one can do this but me.

So if you have any tips, tricks, recipes, etc...please share them. I need all the help I can get.

Over & out

I slept!

This is (hopefully) going to be a quick post.

I was so thrilled to read the answers from FMM (look at my previous post) and everyone that ported @Alltheweigh it is truly inspirational. So far I've been keeping to my calories and doing some exercise; but the most thrilling development was that I sleep for 8 hours last night! woooo hooooo GO ME!

I lay down to watch one of my shows (not MINE, but you know what I mean) and fell asleep right after (11pm!) the next thing I know I woke up at around 1am because it was really hot, you know living with boys they do not check the thermostat, so I lower it and went back to bed...until 7:30am! I fell so amazing is insane, I seriously need to do whatever it takes so I can make this happen for me. I was not cranky this morning, actually got a lot done and will be working out right after the little guy takes his nap.

This is good, this is REALLY good :)

Oh and I forgot that I got a few things last week:

the above bag was a deal from nomorerack for $15 (they claim it cost $90+) well, it looks really cheap and smell really bad. I aired it out so it no longer smells. I don't think I would use it though. Bummer. Not impress by nomorack...

My latest nail colors topless & barefoot and Marshmallow, both from Essie (sorry for the bad picture) I'm wearing the more peachy one Topless & barefoot.

Above is the July Birchbox, for $10 shipped this is the best thing I've ever done, if you love deluxe samples you should look into it. This month they are coordinated with:

Here is what I got from her favorite items (some boxes may differ from each other):

Redken shine flash 02 glistening mist

Pür Minerals 4-in-1 Pressed Mineral Foundation with SPF 15 (full size!)

Korres Showergel in guava

philosophy® purity made simple™ one-step facial cleanser - 16 oz

and a Kind fruits & nuts bad (Apricot and almonds)

so that is it for now.

Over & out

Driving a cab

Let me explain before you freak out like my friend Kelly and call me talking 1,000mph to let me know how dangerous that is for me. No people, I'm not working as a taxi driver...yet (hey, you never know), but it sure feels like it.

I know we are all busy but it seems to me like I'm busier than most people I know. I've posted before how crazy my days can get...well that was a walk in the park compared to now days.

I'm going to do a review of Monday, just as an example:

5:30am drive to pick up friend to drop her at her work (car is broken)

6am arrive to her job, drive back home...

6:30 home..hubs and Big kid get ready, I cuddle in bed with the little guy trying to get some sleep, which I can so I just fix our room and get the little guy ready.

7:30am car packed with everyone

7:50 drop big kid @ college

8:05 drop hubs @ train station

drive back to our town

8:30am pick up Brother in law @ car dealer where he was dropping his car for maintenance

8:50 drop BIL @ his house

drive home

make breakfast for me and the little guy

9:30am on my way out to pick up BK from college

9:50 drive back home

10:15 I get home (there is always traffic at this time)

clean kitchen, dishes, etc.

do 2 loads of laundry

make lunch

fold laundry

get kiddo to nap

2:00pm drive to pick up BIL @ his house

2:20pm drop him off @ dealer

2:40pm home again, more chores

5:30pm on our way to drop BK @ college again (Traffic, AGAIN)

6:00pm arrive at Sis house to pick up the Goat I ordered for dinner (otherwise I would be

home cooking until...)

7:00pm leave house to go get Hubs @ train station

7:30 stopped to get milk, juice

8:00 dinner

9:20 this time Hubs leaves to pick up BK from college while I bathe the little guy.

Seriously INSANE! and yes, there are days that I don't pick up my BIL, but I have two days a week that I have to squeeze in 2 hrs of learning center/daycare that I take the little guy so he can socialize and play with other kids.

I feel like I'm always on the go, and I knew this was going to happen because this is now my job, to be a SAHM.

The one thing I do regret is that I'm finding it so difficult to exercise - I usually do it when the little guy is napping. Maybe that's why I'm failing to succeed on this weight lost journey, because I don't have a lot of time for me. I'm still writing down what I eat with the help of myfitnesspal.com and trying really hard to make a conscious effort to do better. I wont give up, I have to do it. I've asked Friends and family to give me their tips and that gave me energy to keep going.

Here is to a more restful, easier, healthier week.

Over & out

Yes, I would date Steven Tyler

oops, sorry. That was meant as a response for when they ask me " can I ask you a question?". Being normal is just not an option for me.

This week has been full of concerns and worries, thankfully today Sunday {or rather yesterday since is 2:30am} it rained buckets. A perfect excuse to get my wellies on and go get a newspaper with hubs- a girl needs her coupons ya' know. I just love going out in the rain, walking with the hubs. We left the kiddos at home because the little guy has the croups but is doing soooo much better already, so we didn't want to get him sick again.

Anyways, hubs got hi EKG done this week and again it was abnormal. Not only that but the Dr. said that if he didn't know his medical history he would think he had something major (myocarditis) and a lot of pain {which the hubs has not} so a Nuclear EKG is needed along with another batch of test. SIGH. The Cardiologist said that even though the hubs is young, we have to be sure of whats going on, that he has patients younger than him that had a bypass already.

I think the worst part is that the Hubs doesn't see the problem here. He actually got mad at me because he feels like I'm going over board. Let's review, shall we?: Thyroid condition, weight condition, possible surgery, Abnormal EKG, test, test, and more test. NOPE I don't think I am going overboard.

dammed Ricky Martin is hot!
Sorry, ADD kicked as I saw him on a tv commercial. *cough, cough* let's get back.
Between that and me feeling like I'm failing with my new healthy habits, is has been not such a great week. I have lots 5lbs and I feel I should be doing better, I know I'm still eating tons of bread, rice and stuff that I shouldn't. of course the Hubs thinks is ok and that I'm doing good, which I know I am not. I have to get back on being motivate and seeing the goal ahead.

And then my Sis made these:



Nutella cupcakes! PLEASE KILL ME NOW.

She is bring in some here to my oldest and even though I want to try them, I feel like I shouldn't because is going to throw my entire week off. My goal this week is to get the 4-5 days of exercise, drink even more water, cut the bread intake in half. I KNOW I CAN!!! if only I could get some sleep I'll be golden.

Oh, and while browsing around I found this idea thru Small place Style blog, we have a shelf in Ali's bedroom so we wanted to add more since he is going to college but didn't know how to add, and VOILA- look at this. This is perfect for his room and I can't wait to try it. A trip to IKEA is in our future :)


what have you been up to?

Over & out

Reality has no place in our world!

Ah, the joys of having an insane family. Love it. wouldn't trade it for the world...well, maybe I would trade that crazy ex-older-sister for shoes...or cupcakes :) I'm evil like that. Or annoying like my oldest says. conversations like these make me happy:
Me: Ali (nickname) please come here and take this off.
him: why?
me: nine hours of labor,that is why!
He loves me though. We spent sometime out and about with the little guy, mostly at the playground so he can interact with more children aka speak gibberish together. So cute. Hubs got me new feather earrings and leggings (for $4.50!!!) from Forever 21...probably few of the things I can actually get from this store. I also got my manicure done, lovely new favorite O.P.I
"Have you seen my Limo" loves!!!



Not the best picture...but look at the color on this image (found on Polishchest blog)


Love it so much, is kind of a duo chrome.
I was also itching to do something creative and working on Aiden's scrapbook is sooooooo slow that I decided to recreated something I saw on blog land @ The Magic of Ordinary things. I got a bunch of fabric samples from a century ago when I was doing Interior design

Spent sometime doing this

so I could get this: TAAAADAAAAAAAAAA


The lighting is terrible but is so pretty IRL. Even the boys liked it {or so they say after I questioned them 20 times asking them if they liked it, semantics really}. I still don't know if it's going in the door or maybe the window...will see.

OH, and we also finally got one of these!


which told me I lost a little over 5lbs.OK no earth shattering but better than gaining. Hubs is actually doing so much better and I am so proud of him for committing to do this. He has a deal with me that if he looses 64lbs by November he gets a new NY Knicks shirt. Hecks, whatever I can do to motivate him.

I'm off to exercise and make dinner!

Over & out

HEAVY- a rambling of sorts

Have you seen this show HEAVY on A&E? It is so amazing to me what people can do if they get their mind to it. I sure hope that all participants keep their weight loss. This is a journey and a hard one that we certainly need to keep on everyday.

It seems to me that we as humans are always looking for something to make us happy. Some times is a partner, some times is to loose/gain weight, some times is a better job. Everyday we tell our selves: "I'll be happier if I had more money, if I loose weight, if I find a boy/girlfriend" when the fact is we need to make ourselves happy first and the rest will come.

Gosh, that almost sounded like I knew what I was talking about. I believe that weight gain has a lot to do with emotions. We eat when we are happy, when we are lonely, when we have a broken heart, when we celebrate, when we are stressed. I know that some people around me may have the weight I would dream to have, but they are also looking to finally get marry, to have kids, to be happy.

I know that I may be lucky that my weight is 180lbs {there, I said it, now I'm accounted for it} but being 5 ft tall that is a ton of weight to carry. I hate being the one heavy sibling, I hate that my brother keep pinching my love handles when I went to visit... he kept making comments about it until finally, it drove me to tell him to fuck off. I hate that some "friend" of mine told me she was going to save money so she could pay for my Lipo. I forgave the comment since I know that she is unhappy with her life*sigh*.

Even though I know that I have implemented a lot of healthy habits: drinking more water, exercising, have fruit and veggies daily, and a better knowledge of portion control, I often wonder: where is it that I go wrong?

After seeing a particular episode on HEAVY this man kept making excuses for himself "I have a new baby, we are moving, etc". He always had an excuse. I have found that I lately I've been doing the same. After my emotional breakdown back in December I have been suffering from insomnia, and so far I get 4-5 hours of sleep if I'm lucky.



The consequence is that around midnight I get super hungry to the point of having stomach cramps. I try to eat some cereal and milk to control it, but lately I have been eating everything in sight. I guess is easier to eat when no one is watching me.
I haven't gain any weight because of the other stuff that I do right, but I don't think I would loose the weight that I want if I don't stop. Most of all, I need to be honest with my self and not make any excuses if I want to succeed.

Today I've made a decision to be accountable for what I eat and for what I do at all times. I'm going to get some Tylenol PM to see if it helps me adjust the sleeping and continue to write what I eat. I know I can do this!

Over & out