Turning 36

I officially turned 36 this week.

It didn't even feel like a celebration since the Hubs had to work late. No matter what issues I may have, it doesn't feel the same without him.

I was fine, really. My guys where all up and singing to me at 12am, then I got out of bed and they had put posters all over the house, decorated the fridge, and my I'm-19-and-way-too-cool-to-kiss-you son actually wrote something very nice and sentimental for me.

I spent the day doing what I always do: Laundry, lunch, going to the market. I had planed to make garlic shrimp and even bought a red velvet cake to cut when the Hub got home.

Then my Sis came over with her family and invited us to go out to an early dinner, so off we went. She also got me a gift card from my favorite store Ann Taylor Loft, my Mom got me the apron and a Halloween plate I've been wanting...overall it should have been a good day...but it wasn't.

Fall is my favorite season and it seems every year someone wants me to hate it, because without failure as soon as falls comes, things star breaking down for us. There are so many things going on right now and they are all financially related. Having extra people in the house has thrown us out of balance, our electric bill came for $250, things are late, food budget for the month is being spent in 2 weeks, gas has been going faster with all the driving around with my Mom...is just overwhelming.

Is not that we don't want them here, we don't have a choice. Is just that is overwhelming and infuriates me that we are the one family who has the most struggles and the one that people seem to relay the most.

Later in the evening I went to pick up the hubs from the train station, while he drove I was fumbling with the iPod, trying to get Shania Twain's "Today is your day" song...then I lost it. I cried. I was just sad. Not because I'm older but because I feel as if I haven't accomplish what I wanted...I am not where I wanted to be. It didn't seem like a birthday to me.

Poor hubs just hug me.

I told him I was not where I wanted to be financially, I haven't done anything for my health to loose weight. I know if I wanted to I could of, but having people here, my son sleeping in the living room, extra appointments, having to make dinner for more people, it all is so much.

I won't thread on what I haven't done but this is also a good thing, a wakeup to know where I want to be next year. I got this from a note on an email sent to me for my Birthday...is edited but I think is perfect of how I feel right now:

What matters most in life is often view as peripheral to the things we usually focus on. Passion takes a backseat to production, wellness to working, and balance to Busyness.

The old adage that "life is not a dress rehearsal" is so true and yet we act to the contrary by putting off what's truly important to indulge in things that are not.

On my birthday, I will stop focusing on my age an start meditating on my life at this exact moment. How can I make it better?.

During the next year I will reshuffled my priorities. spend more time with family and friends, take care of my body and health y by eating well and exercising regularly and offer to help others in need.

Discover what matters most to you and make my daily life a true reflection of those ideas, beliefs and attitudes. :)

This photo is a reflection of what matters most right now.

Over & out

I don't wanna, and you can't make me!

Sigh.
Let's just say the last couple of days have been a little stressful. I'm going to start with a question for you: Is there something you hate to do but know you.have.to? Now we know we all have those little things and before I go into a rant about what's been happening I'm going to be mature about it and tell you about me: I hate brushing my teeth.






Seriously. I hate it. This has not always been the case since I have Six (yeah 6!!!) Dentists in my family, and not distant relatives...I'm talking about my sister, another sister's husband, 3 cousins, and aunt...etc. Oh, and next year my Hubs brother will graduate a DDS as well. I even remember when my sister was in college (she is 13 yrs older) and had to do free clinics and some of them was in our church, my mother will send us alone to go get our teeth cleaned (it was 2 blocks away). So I always done it gladly, heck I rather go to the dentist than the bank. I hate banks. OK, I'm going off again.

Anyways, while pregnant with my little guy I was sick all the time, all 40 weeks. Morning, afternoon, evening, middle of the night. On top of it brushing my teeth meant guarantee puking. From then on I associate brushing my teeth with getting sick so I don't enjoy it. I do it, I do the whole shebang of flossing, brushing, teeth whitening, and I'm one of those freaks with 2 types of gum and Altoids in her purse. Don't you go there thinking I have a dragon mouth. I do it because I know I must. My point is that we all do things we don't want to.

But my husband is a little boy having a tantrum when it comes to the Doctor. Wanna see a picture of him?






That's my hubs. I have been so streessed because I'm trying to get him to get checked again. When I was pregnant with the little guy, one night while I was laying in bed watching TV, I heard rumbling, like when things are moving in an earthquake. I got up to find the hubs sitting at the computer desk, shaking, like he was having an epileptic attack. That was a scary scene. I kept calling him and trying to hold him. A few seconds later he stopped shaking and kept saying he was ok. He refused to go to the ER but I manage to convince him to see a Dr.

He had a non-epileptic seizure. He was listening to a podcast online and was laughing. Apparently as he was laughing so hard, he stop sending enough oxygen to his brain causing the seizure. I didn't even know that could happen. He was given a cat scan, an EKG (that came irregular), a hearing test- which prove that hes getting deaf, and was diagnose with Thyroid problems. He was also supposed to loose weight.

Fast forward to now. He is not taking his medication, has not gotten his hearing aid, has gained more weight and his sleep apnea is getting worse. He is also getting sluggish and tired a lot. He seems to think all this is ok, but is not and is got me so scared. I finally had to call reinforcements and together we convinced him to go back to the Dr.

The shocker of it all is that he still thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He is taking it easy. Blood work has been done and has a referral for a Cardiologist and a sleep disorder test. He is finally back on his medication, but may have to be adjusted. Seems to me like I have no choice but to be the annoying motherly wife and keep bugging him about this stuff.

The scary thing was the conversation about his weight. The Dr. sees that he is not making any effort to loose the weight and even though he is tall he is 289lbs. BMI of 41.5; the borderline for normal is under 25. He was told he MUST loose 8lbs a month as soon as the Cardiologist clears him off , if he doesn't would be sent to an Bariatric Surgeon to be consider for Gastric bypass. That was a shock to me that he even qualifies for that. The Dr. said to us "if he doesn't loose the weight and get this under control he could die, we are trying to save his life. This is serious".
SAY WHAT?!!!!

I can't believe this. He keeps telling me " you know I'm gonna be ok" but I tell him I don't know that. He has always refused to do anything about it, he gets mad when I ask him not to eat junk food or drink so much soda. But my heart is breaking at the thought of waiting all my life to find him, my best friend, my soul-mate, the father of my children, only to loose him to junk food.

Let me tell you...no Oreo, brownies or chips taste that good.
I don't want to seem like a drama queen and I sure as hell going to do everything I can to make sure we get pass this, and I know is not a terminal disease (God forbid) but it lighted a fired under my ars and show me how much this can truly affect all of us.

I have been striving to be a good home maker and wife, the type that makes home made food like back home, trying to be attentive to him; but I guess now it would have to be with a grilled chicken and a salad.
{pictures are of a recent Shrimp Gumbo from the homeland that I made for us}



This has been one long dramatic post. Sorry.
Let me go off to bed since I've been doing better at getting my sleep back...although my oldest manage to take this little shoot of me today- I was supposed to be watching HGTV...

ZZZzzzz

Over & out

A latte bowl and a baby shower

It's been quite nice these days to be home. I'm finally doing what I've been wanting to do for so long. Over the Holidays I saw a picture of me and though "wow, I look so heavy on that picture" then I realize that the Truth is that is not the picture, is me. The longer I postpone this, the longer I would feel heavy and fat. So I started working out.

First I tried the zumba but that was too much for me, even though I love to dance. So now I'm walking at home and I feel great. Actually I feel like I'm about to pass 10 minutes after starting but once I'm done I feel FANTASTIC.

Also, like everyone else I've been decrapfiying the house. 'm one of those that have to have the fridge organize: Juice to the left, milk in the middle, water to the right { I'm cool like that} Anything that we haven't use since we moved here is out the door. I had a huge black garbage bag of clothes that I no longer wear so I donate those. Even the bathroom cabinet got a good organization. It looks so good, imagine that even Super A {oldest} said how nice and organize it looks.

**** I interrupt this blog to announce that the Hubs did a funky dance in the middle of the living room because the JETS are winning. He is such a dork!****

Today I dropped shopping bags upon shopping bags, upon more things of baby stuff back to my Sister. She is having a little one soon, so even more baby stuff will go her way, including baby toys because Aiden has been blessed with tons of toys and we really don't need him to have all that. I figure every time he gets a few more we will donate some of his old stuff.

I'm patiently {not} waiting for a few orders that I made online. For one Anthropoly has their famous Latte bows set of four for $7!!! yeap, these are usually $20 (set of 6 is $30 of different colors) so I couldn't pass them out. I figure since all of our Dinner wear is white I can bring some color with these. And maybe get a set of different colors annually, like Nienie does.

I also placed an order with E.L.F for some $1 makeup. They got great reviews, specially the lash curler so I'll let you know when I get those. Oh, and lets not forget my free nail polishes from Zoya. I'll see how I like them, but I wont buy from them again after my little incident {read previous post}.

I'm off to create a "cirque du Bebe" baby shower, I can't say much in case she sees this, but is going to be oh-so-cute :) and lets not forget that tonight is "Bridalplasty"~ this show is so ridiculous that it's fantastic. Plus the big kid and I have been watching movies together: "Once Bitten"{remember this from the 80's? Jim Carey's first movie? a classic}, then yesterday "Donney Darko" because we have never seen this, and today he has agreed to watch "Julie & Julia" with me...he must love me. *sigh*

Lean steak and twice bake potatoes? yes, thank you.
Over & out