I am going to state that Im posting this for my own sanity. For my own relief since I feel I cannot talk to anyone about this. Yes, I have friends and family, but when people try to tell me "I know how it must feel" or "I know what you are going thru" I want to scream at them : NO, YOU DON'T.
It is not that I am trying to be pathetic and not appreciate it but unless you have no home, your clothes are in suitcases, you are sleeping on air mattress in someone's floor, you do not know what it feels like.
Even thought we are not technically on the streets, and we are very thankful for having a roof over our heads, the living situation with others is not ideal. Not for them, not for us. I fell so hopeless and sad, I keep having dizzy spells, nausea, headaches that turn into migraines and I know is because all the worry and stress.
The thing that hurts the most is who others treat you. You become this 3rd class citizen, you have no rights, God forgive if you desire anything from a treat to wanting to look at an IKEA catalog. People make comments like you shouldn't want these things.
It also hurts how people go : Oh yeah, I know how hard it is, we had so much stress we went on vacation to get away, or we went shopping, or drinking, etc. No, I'm not saying you should not do these things, but how could you compare that to knowing all your possessions are on storage, some where stolen, some where trashed. You have no home for your kids. You are homeless. How would you feel if people seeing all your stuff being put on the street and they tell you "hurry up and make up your mind because I have to take my kid to Ballet". Well, OK...sorry my getting homeless got in the way of your day.
Yes, this is OUR PROBLEM. NO, you don't have to fix it. But compassion would have been nice. Regardless of what you think of me, of us.
There have been several occasions in which in these Three Months I have been so disappointed in people's humanity. I know I expect kindness when I know it wont come.
I have lost some people along the way. They may not know it but our relationship has been damage forever, and even thought I have forgiveness in my heart, at this time I cannot foresee having certain people in my life anymore. The hurt was too much. You showed your true colors and for that I am thankful, because I can rebuild my life knowing who has been there no matter what, in good, in the bad, in the ugly and the TERRIBLE.
I guess I should be happy that I know the facts. But I am not. I am mostly sad.
But I have faith that soon, rather than latter this episode will come to an end and we would be able to start over, fresh, with new hopes and dreams, and with the knowledge that even thought most people SUCK ASS, there are some that are worth their weight in gold.
And this was not a pitty Party, don't you worry about me. I am learning to survive and to live life, no matter what. To always look up and smile. Because even though the world may be falling apart around me, I will always be kind, I will always have faith, and I will ALWAYS SMILE!
Here is some stuff we did this weekend- along with dinners with family.
meeting his idol, and he was not afraid at all!
he could not stop looking at it, even thought there was a giant Autobot Robot in front of him (This was at Toys R us @ Times Square)
It was sooooo crowded though
The good thing is that we know have NYC as our backyard and playground!
Over & out