I officially turned 36 this week.
It didn't even feel like a celebration since the Hubs had to work late. No matter what issues I may have, it doesn't feel the same without him.
I was fine, really. My guys where all up and singing to me at 12am, then I got out of bed and they had put posters all over the house, decorated the fridge, and my I'm-19-and-way-too-cool-to-kiss-you son actually wrote something very nice and sentimental for me.
I spent the day doing what I always do: Laundry, lunch, going to the market. I had planed to make garlic shrimp and even bought a red velvet cake to cut when the Hub got home.
Then my Sis came over with her family and invited us to go out to an early dinner, so off we went. She also got me a gift card from my favorite store Ann Taylor Loft, my Mom got me the apron and a Halloween plate I've been wanting...overall it should have been a good day...but it wasn't.
Fall is my favorite season and it seems every year someone wants me to hate it, because without failure as soon as falls comes, things star breaking down for us. There are so many things going on right now and they are all financially related. Having extra people in the house has thrown us out of balance, our electric bill came for $250, things are late, food budget for the month is being spent in 2 weeks, gas has been going faster with all the driving around with my Mom...is just overwhelming.
Is not that we don't want them here, we don't have a choice. Is just that is overwhelming and infuriates me that we are the one family who has the most struggles and the one that people seem to relay the most.
Later in the evening I went to pick up the hubs from the train station, while he drove I was fumbling with the iPod, trying to get Shania Twain's "Today is your day" song...then I lost it. I cried. I was just sad. Not because I'm older but because I feel as if I haven't accomplish what I wanted...I am not where I wanted to be. It didn't seem like a birthday to me.
Poor hubs just hug me.
I told him I was not where I wanted to be financially, I haven't done anything for my health to loose weight. I know if I wanted to I could of, but having people here, my son sleeping in the living room, extra appointments, having to make dinner for more people, it all is so much.
I won't thread on what I haven't done but this is also a good thing, a wakeup to know where I want to be next year. I got this from a note on an email sent to me for my Birthday...is edited but I think is perfect of how I feel right now:
What matters most in life is often view as peripheral to the things we usually focus on. Passion takes a backseat to production, wellness to working, and balance to Busyness.
The old adage that "life is not a dress rehearsal" is so true and yet we act to the contrary by putting off what's truly important to indulge in things that are not.
On my birthday, I will stop focusing on my age an start meditating on my life at this exact moment. How can I make it better?.
During the next year I will reshuffled my priorities. spend more time with family and friends, take care of my body and health y by eating well and exercising regularly and offer to help others in need.
Discover what matters most to you and make my daily life a true reflection of those ideas, beliefs and attitudes. :)
This photo is a reflection of what matters most right now.
Over & out
3 comments:
Happy Birthday! The most important goals in life are what you are doing. You are a good mom. You are a supportive and caring person.
When my grandma was in her early 90's, I always loved her so much and wanted her to be so proud of me. I was going to law school during that time period. Do you know what she told everyone about me? She said that I gave her the best hairspray that really works for her hair! Honestly, it used to make me so embarrassed. I was trying to be "somebody" and what grandma talked about was me and hairspray.
As I got older, I realized that maybe the hairspray was important. She had very thin hair and probably had a hard time styling it, due to her age. Maybe, this gift of "instant freeze" hairspray said a lot about who I am, possibly more than what law school said about me.
So I hope you think about those little things you do that matter so much. You'll be pretty happy with yourself if you do.
:-) Marion
Happy Birthday! I know you had a difficult day, but I hope that the rest of the year ahead is one in which you can find the opportunity to work towards a healthier, happier you.
You've got a lot on your plate right now. I can't imagine having to deal with all of that -- still, with goals set for the year ahead, I hope that you'll find the focus and drive (and time and space!!) to do what you want and need to do!
Best of luck and best wishes :)
Happy belated birthday! I am sorry to hear it was a challenge but I think your revelation in life is very insightful and inspiring. I just finished a conversation with my husband tonight about not knowing my place right now...feeling caught up in the mundane. Getting consumed by the day to day that I am not making time for the things I really love and want to do. I hear ya. To a new year of your life...wiser and living each day for all it's worth. Much love to you Patricia!
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