Ok, she didn't actually said like that, but it felt that way. I saw her yesterday, but let me pedal back: as you know I want to loose some weight, it hasn't been for looks*lie* but because I want to be healthier. Lately with all the traveling and the ruckus at home I fail to log my food intake, and forget about exercising. I long ago decided not to weight myself but instead aimed for feeling healthier and how my clothes felt. I was thinking I should love myself no matter how much I weight, I can look cute and sexy if I want to. I watch shows like Drop Dead Diva and say "she looks good for a chunky girl", so I think is ok to be overweight.
And don't get me wrong, she looks gorgeous regardless of her size.
Then I started to feel more and more out of whack. Sleepless nights, then the days I did sleep I over slept so much I would wake up with a headache; my knee was hurting, then my left arm has been in constant pain, not been able to bend it with out feeling a pinch. Feeling sluggish, tired, AND skipping periods. I seriously though I was pregnant and did a home test...it was negative. Still my Aunt Flo didn't come. Two months without it. It was strange. I'm 35, so I didn't think I was going thru "the changes", so I made an appointment to see my Doctor.
I was dreading this because I knew she was going to be disappointed I haven't lost any weight. She had warned me about being closed to having serious problems (diabetes, heart condition, cholesterol).
Part of me was in denial, thinking I was doing ok, thinking I was doing my happy dance by just accepting myself the way I am (see happy dance below) when in reality every time I tried something and took it off again because I looked fat I KNEW how bad it was.
I'm not going to lie, seeing my brother in a Hospital bed gave me a jilt, I wanted to make sure I was ok. I was not prepared at all to see the scale...UGH...I don't even have the guts to post it here...is that bad. My Dr. who I like very much, is the type of Dr who will sit with you and look you in the eye and tell you the facts. It was hard because she saw I was shocked and nervous.
She told me about being over weight and the consecuences: the hormone imbalance, skipping periods, difficult conceiving, the increase chances of having a still birth, the hair growing in funny places, the joint pain, all of the things she told me previously PLUS the fact that I now need to be on top of my colon because of my Brother's cancer....sigh...
She asked me what it would take to motivate me and I told her the truth...I don't know.
I should do this for the kids, for me, for the way I want to live. So the Hubs and I had a serious discussion (remember, he also needs to loose weight) and he committed to being my partner and help me achieve the "From couch to 5k" program from Coolrunning. I'm praying I can do this, I need to. I will continue to search for motivation and inspiration but like my Dr. said no one can do this but me.
So if you have any tips, tricks, recipes, etc...please share them. I need all the help I can get.
Over & out