you're fat.
Ok, she didn't actually said like that, but it felt that way. I saw her yesterday, but let me pedal back: as you know I want to loose some weight, it hasn't been for looks*lie* but because I want to be healthier. Lately with all the traveling and the ruckus at home I fail to log my food intake, and forget about exercising. I long ago decided not to weight myself but instead aimed for feeling healthier and how my clothes felt. I was thinking I should love myself no matter how much I weight, I can look cute and sexy if I want to. I watch shows like Drop Dead Diva and say "she looks good for a chunky girl", so I think is ok to be overweight.
And don't get me wrong, she looks gorgeous regardless of her size.
Then I started to feel more and more out of whack. Sleepless nights, then the days I did sleep I over slept so much I would wake up with a headache; my knee was hurting, then my left arm has been in constant pain, not been able to bend it with out feeling a pinch. Feeling sluggish, tired, AND skipping periods. I seriously though I was pregnant and did a home test...it was negative. Still my Aunt Flo didn't come. Two months without it. It was strange. I'm 35, so I didn't think I was going thru "the changes", so I made an appointment to see my Doctor.
I was dreading this because I knew she was going to be disappointed I haven't lost any weight. She had warned me about being closed to having serious problems (diabetes, heart condition, cholesterol).
Part of me was in denial, thinking I was doing ok, thinking I was doing my happy dance by just accepting myself the way I am (see happy dance below) when in reality every time I tried something and took it off again because I looked fat I KNEW how bad it was.
I'm not going to lie, seeing my brother in a Hospital bed gave me a jilt, I wanted to make sure I was ok. I was not prepared at all to see the scale...UGH...I don't even have the guts to post it here...is that bad. My Dr. who I like very much, is the type of Dr who will sit with you and look you in the eye and tell you the facts. It was hard because she saw I was shocked and nervous.
She told me about being over weight and the consecuences: the hormone imbalance, skipping periods, difficult conceiving, the increase chances of having a still birth, the hair growing in funny places, the joint pain, all of the things she told me previously PLUS the fact that I now need to be on top of my colon because of my Brother's cancer....sigh...
She asked me what it would take to motivate me and I told her the truth...I don't know.
I should do this for the kids, for me, for the way I want to live. So the Hubs and I had a serious discussion (remember, he also needs to loose weight) and he committed to being my partner and help me achieve the "From couch to 5k" program from Coolrunning. I'm praying I can do this, I need to. I will continue to search for motivation and inspiration but like my Dr. said no one can do this but me.
So if you have any tips, tricks, recipes, etc...please share them. I need all the help I can get.
Over & out
4 comments:
First of all ((HUGS)). Hearing these kinds of things can be a shock to the system as well as maddening. I've heard all of the same through the years too. Sadly though, the DR never scared me. I would get angry and eat. Or I would get depressed and eat.
You need to find it within you to be truly ready. It's so much easier to have a support system so it's great your hubs is willing to get on board. As the weight starts to fall off, you'll get into the momentum and will want more. Today is the first day...
I agree with Jenn- its awesome that you have your hubby to do this with you. My boyfriend says he'll take walks with me but he has yet to do so. .. and Dr's are a pain.. when I was younger our doctors were a married Filipino couple with heavy accents. They would say "You.. too fat, TOO TOO fat!" complete with outspread arm gestures in case we didn't understand "TOO TOO fat" lol Its definitely in you to do what you need to do. Just keep in mind that its a process and takes time and dedication just as anything else in life :0)
Losing weight is not easy, so I think even taking a step in the right direction is something that you should be proud of. As Carbie Girl said - it takes time and dedication. Advice is always easier to give than take, but I'll have to say that one thing is to keep at it. Even if you eat something that wasn't good for you or skip a day of exercise - don't beat yourself up about it, just acknowledge it and keep moving forward. It takes time. Crash diets etc. are not long-term, healthy solutions. I've posted some really easy recipes that I've tried recently up on my blog - and will keep posting more as I try them. You're not alone - you've got your hubby and the bloggers to support you! You can do it! :)
Don't be discouraged. I do think we should love ourselves no matter how but I do feel that we need to be healthy.
I gained 45 lbs in 4 years (after I moved to the US) and didn't start having health problems until lately (they're not necessarily related to weight per se but to hormons and I do think my hormons changed with weight).
Anyway, my husband and I plan to try for a baby soon so I started maki ng math: if I gain 10 lbs every year and don't care to lose it, how am I gonna care to lose all the baby weight?
I did try to love myself chubby and curvy, but things didn't fir me the way they used to, and that bothered me.
I had to have a polyp removed from my uterus and my cholesterol came a little high for my taste (my dad had to have a triple bypass in 2009) that did something to me and I decided to lose weight. I lost 10 already and I am encouranged. It's not easy, but not impossible!
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