Monday, November 30, 2009

I'm a Horrible Person


Go ahead and hate me 'cause I don't like myself too much either for feeling this way.

I am a really ungrateful and envious person. I never knew this about me. Huh, go figure.

I'm sorry but every time I see or read about someone complaining because the stores where too full, or how stressful this holiday is, or how there is no time to decorate I want to pull my hair out and scream (in true Michael & Janet Jackson Video)

HOLY CRAPOLA- excuse me for this but what is there to complain about?

Seriously, you are going to complaint about all the shopping you have to do?

Complain about your home?

About cooking for the family you are going to have over?

Have you looked around you?

I am in serious distress 'cause all we have is packed away and all our stuff is scattered around, and my back hurts from bending all the time to get the plastic containers or suitcases, and I'm seriously upset 'cause I can't find my tweezers and I can't afford to buy one and I'm going to look like Jack Nicholson in "The Shinning"!!!!! (ain't gonna be pretty)



I was green with envy every time I saw those beautiful homes, every time another "easy Christmas Decor" went on. I was bitter and sad and I know it was not right. I know these people are lucky and I shouldn't be envious or resentful, but I was. I was sad that I was so bitter. I was sad 'cause that's really not who I am. I was sad 'cause this is the little guys first Christmas and there was so much I wanted to do for him.

Don't take it to heart. I'm upset with me, not with y'all (imagine Britney saying it) because this is my reality and it's not your fault. Then when I'm about to finally take some courage and run into a wall I read this post from Thrifty Decor Chick, which is like one of my decorating idols and then I TRULY get mad at myself.

How dare I get mad because God has provide me an opportunity to see how strong we are? An opportunity to grow together as a couple and start with a clean slate? An opportunity to spent a very close Christmas with my Sister.

I should never complaint because there are more serious pressing matters going on in the world today. So many people wishing they can have kids, wishing they had a job, wishing food for their kids, wishing just to wish upon a start that life will be better.

I'm really lucky. I'm truly blessed. I'm truly wealthy.
My kids and family are priceless. We can do it together.

So tonight to get me off this funk, I will be going home jamming to Jay Z "Big Pimping" 'cause sometimes you just have to!

Over & Out

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