In a world full of people only some want to fly...isn't that crazy?

Crazy chick here.
I've been finding lately that my mind and my heart are not longer working together.

{somewhere in the distant I can hear my mom clapping...}


I dig my job. I really do. I love the people that I work with because they are all mildly insane like I am. They are a nice bunch. They took care of me while I was pregnant and vomiting my guts everyday. They have been truly like family. My girls, oh...they are young and fun and are my comedic relief from reality. I love them all. Then my crazy guys that brought me empanadas, that help me, that care for me. OH. I love it.

I've been in a previous position of holding a job that pay me enough for me to have my own home (before the hubs) and I hated it! It was worst than working in concentration camp. I was miserable and believe me when I said I cried everyday, not because I was hurt but because I wanted so bad to beat up people and I couldn't. Ugh, freaking laws.

Anyways, after that I have been blessed with jobs where people are AMAZING. I have friends all over the place because of it. So I truly appreciated having a job that I actually like.

But now...now my heart is having a change. I feel like I'm doing my two jobs half ass...my mommy/wifey duties and my regular daytime job. I feel like If I do one well, the other has too suffer. Last Thursday I said I was not going to anything in the house except enjoy my darling baby, just me and him playing on the floor, watching "UP" on TV...just laughing and being goofy.
He melts my heart that little stinker.

I've read so many beautiful blogs of Mom's that are staying home and they seem so happy. Then I read this post from "Like Mother, Like Daughter" that spoke to me. Her number 3...ohhhhh, that hit home so much. It reads: 3. Worse than being in debt is not having a baby because you think you don't have enough money.

I have always been afraid that if I stayed home my life would not be fulfilled. I don't want to be one of those Mom's that can only talk about kids stuff. I like my books, I like interacting with adults, I like my grown up time and my job. My head tells me this is what I need to do right now because of financial reasons. If I was to listen to standards I would stay with just our baby (lets face it, the big guy is going to college so he wont be needing us as much) and just work our ass of.

But then my heart longs for days at home, days that I can bake, make cookies and brownies, and be with my babies. Days that I can enjoy. Days going to the Zoo or the movies, or browsing museums. Having our own time. Days of laughter and walking in the rain jumping in puddles.

We know that if we are blessed with another little tyke I would need to stay at home cause daycare would be WAAAAAYYY too much money...

oh what to do? Heart and head don't play along so well these days.

That's it, I'm playing the lottery tonight...

Over & out.