Monday, June 28, 2010

The You in me

My brain is full of useless information, therefore I think of the oddest things. I start wondering about people I met/saw a long time ago, wondering what they are doing now. I think of a punk girl I saw in my first month in the USA. She was sitting on the floor by the bus stop, talking about life as a 16 yr old and how she realized she didn't like girls. Silly, I know but I remember her and wonder what became of her.

I don't think many people realize the impact they have on other people lives. Sometimes we forget that we can make an impact, good or bad, to the people that surround us. I mentioned before that I had some people at work that I do not care for, and when I found out one was leaving I was, well giddy like a whore on fair day. (yes, I do reference to whores all the time) Even at work we can make a difference about how the day goes, after all we spent there a good chuck of our day; why not make it pleasant?

The other day I was chatting online with one of nieces and she mentioned this artist which I love. I told her that every time I listen to his music I'm reminded of her father -who is married to one of my Sisters. My niece asked me why and I replied that while I was in college I use to go to their house to copy his CD's from this artist and we use to chat quite a bit. At the time, I was almost 18 and with a new baby and he took the time to try to understand me and somehow guided me. I don't think he ever knew what he did for me, but at time it meant the world that he, or anybody for that matter, cared. I wonder if he knows that. I hope so 'cause he ended up being my oldest Godfather :)
Then I started thinking about all the people that has come and gone of my life. I remember my childhood friend Luisa, who I found out later in life had name one of her kids after me. That was so touching, and I truly never knew I had that kind of impact in her life, or maybe it was that she just liked the name, either way, it was sweet.

I myself name my oldest after a my high school crush. He was new in school, so handsome, so funny and charming. He made friends easily and I love his name "Alain", a name I've never heard before. He joked that I should name my first born like him if it was a boy, so I did. Funny thing is that neither of us imagine that was going to happen so soon in my life.

I have memories of the funny people, the sad people, the one girl that made me feel so inadequate in school and now pretends we where buddies. The friend that was always there for me and stayed behind instead of going to college to help me with my studies when I got pregnant.

I don't even know why I think of them often. I wonder what happened to the class nerd that was so sweet {I recently found out he is a very successful Doctor} , to the bad ass heartthrob guy that my friend was crazy over {he had a horrific "Sopranos" death} , I wonder about my First real world boss that gave me a chance, taught me how to be professional (or to fake it), the landlord that accommodated my rent when looser boyfriend #57 left with all my stuff, and how this person even helped me get a car, with no money and asking nothing in return. I think of the lady down the corner where we grow up, how many times she came to our house to assist us, how many times she brought us honey. I wish she knew I still remember her.

I think of the sweet old man that use to sale bread in a cart, the Doctor that save my son's life at 10 days old, does he imagine that I think of him often with tears of gratitude in my eyes? or the Sister that allowed me to stay with her when living at home was too much for me at my ripe age of 15. The other one that is just so caring and would do anything for you without question. Another that let us lived with them when our world was falling down.

The people that even now, help us so much. The person who out of nowhere gave us our Son's crib, they guys that moved us...twice, for free. The Motherly figure who constantly was bringing me food while I was pregnant, the guy, who even though can be a great jerk, taped directions to the hospital in case I had to be rushed to the hospital.

Do you realized that maybe, at this very moment you could be impacting some one's life and that they may talk about you in the years to come? How do you want them to remember you? As the funny silly inappropriate gal? as the confidant? As the one that made their life hell? As the one that helped them have a better life, future?

I know that when we say things we may not mean it, but those words may help or destroy a person. Conversations showed me that behind everything that we are, there is an insecure child trying to please a parent that was too harsh or too mean, a school nerd still trying to fit in, a shy boy who has mommy issues and cannot commit to any relationship, the jokester that hides between the laughs not to show the pain, or the opposite: a happy person that just wants to help, the one that always have an encouraging word for others, the one with the happy go lucky attitude.

Are you a whiner, a complainer, the half full glass person? Do you know you may be reflecting those things to those around you, your family, your kids, your coworkers.

I know that many people see me as the ridiculous over the top, laugh out loud irresponsible one. The one who would make a joke of a funeral to ease the pain. The one who has no money managing skills whatsoever. The one that doesn't take life seriously. But I'm also very proud to say that I'm also known as a good friend, the one who listen, the one who enjoys helping people, the one that always have time to assist. I'm not tooting my own horn, I'm just striving to be the person who is remember fondly, the one with the dirty jokes, the loud laugh which is half a snort, that one that makes a fool of herself daily, the one that want to live to the fullest.

Over & Out
*Pictures are of my homeland taken by Domingo Batista

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