Friday, April 29, 2011

Some friends are better left in the past


This post was going to be written at a later time, with a clearer head. Sadly I was on the phone with a "friend" and I got so angry I needed to vent, so here I am: sad and broken hearted.

I am going to start with my first issue, my dear best friend of over 15 years and I may be broking up {if there is such a thing}. We became friends back in college, when we where both 20. We clicked immediately, she was my soul-mate, my best friend, and more like a sister to me. We went thru dating jerks, getting dumped, being single, the dating, the ugly, the finally getting married, and having kids.

When she was having issues with her husband, she even contemplated moving here with me. That's how close we where. But then things changed, her calls and emails where not as often. She would claim not to get my messages (even when her voice was the one on the machine). She always claim she loves me the same, she is just a little busy. Then a few years back it started that when I went back home she didn't have time to see me, and it made me feel awful. She didn't go to my wedding claiming low funds (we had a beach wedding-which was only 1 hr away from her) but then went to a resort about a month later, and yet I let it go.

I can understand than having 4 kids takes a lot, but each time I called her she was out with her new friends, kids where at the daycare or with the sitter...so I didn't understand she had time to go shopping but not to stop by and see me. Last year even when I called and asked her when would she be home so I could come by, she always had something to do...so I got the hint and stopped asking her to meet.

This year I tried to keep the calls (because we did talk more when she had surgery) but then again she didnt make an effort, even her FB messages where short...but again always telling me she love me and missed me. I told her that I didn't feel that since I tried making a effort leaving her messages and she never responded. She just replied with a joke.

After all this I've decided not to invest my feelings on our former friendship anymore. i would go back home and will not tell her I'm there. I will no longer call or email her, or even send her a FB message. I'm tired of feeling hurt and rejected by my former best friend. It hurts so much because she was so meaningful in my life for so long. I know she has new friends around (mostly friends of the Husband) a lot of people that drink and smoke and gamble, which are things she now does with her husband...things I don't do or enjoy. I guess we have grown apart and these things happen, but I never thought it would happen to us...

I wont make a fuss about it, I don't think she sees this is done or maybe she doesn't even care. I will just let this fade slowly and no longer try to perform CPR to a relationship that is already on cardiac arrest.

Then tonight, another old friend asked me to call her- she is also back home. I called her even though it was late because she was so depressed in our last few calls, having issues in her business and with her boyfriend. As it happens my son's Godmother is also back home getting several plastic surgeries done -back, lipo, stomach, breast, arms. I talk to her for a while, asking her how she was doing, etc. Then she put my friend that requested I called her on the phone. She was making fun of the one that had the surgery calling her a cow. I replied that she did not look like a cow, plus she had a baby 8 months ago.

Then she say to me: "You should come here and do Plastic Surgery too, I don't even recognize you. You need to keep it up for your husband, You and Jessie let yourselves go"
First I laugh and replied " are you paying for it" to which she reply I had a husband. I said yes, a husband who is the only one that works, with two kids of which one is going to college.

She continue her belligerence on me by saying that she KNOWS my husband loves me but I need to have this for him.

I wanted to say that yes I was fat but happily married, and she was thin and still haven't found one guy that wants to marry her...I wanted to, but that would make me be like her- mean and shallow, This is not the first time she makes these kind of commentsand she knows I don't appreciated them, and honestly, I felt sorry because I knew how misserable she was in her own life, so I let it go. I really hate confrontations (unbelievable- I know) so my take is just to be away from people like that, move on and be happy and healthy for ME...after all, some "friends" are better left in the past.

Over & out

3 comments:

Shari @ FindingAWeigh said...

Wow, this sucks and Im sorry youre having to go through it..but you have the right attitude! Let her be miserable and spiteful by herself..you dont need it and you have plenty of people around you who like you for YOU..not for a number on a scale! Team Nina!

| PN | said...

not so much a friend any more. I am sooooo sorry! It sucks that people grow soooo differently and we can't keep the people in our lives that they once were. I hope all goes well! <3

Maria_NJ said...

let it go...repeat that often...I hate living in the past, I have issues too with that, it hurts awful, and I am sorry that you have to go through that also...