Monday, January 4, 2010

Mommy Dearest

My mom is a special lady.

I’m sure one day I’m going to open her closet and find a broom there. hehehehe. Evil, I know.
Don’t get me wrong. I love the woman to pieces, after all she raised my oldest son and he is a pretty decent human. I just don't like her sometimes.

Growing up with her was…what should I say… a challenge? entertainment? I've been told she resembles a lot to the Mom on "Malcolm in the Middle".
We never saw eye to eye and we fought a lot (I ran away at age 15…and went to live for a few months with my second oldest sister) She had a very strict way of raising us and I developed my running and dogging skills so much I've should had really consider the Olympics.

And you can stop right there with the "she is the only mom you'll have, you are so lucky she still there, blah, blah, blah". I know this. I'm not going to talk bad about her 'cause that's just...well bad. (plus I have to leave something for another post). So I'm just gonna make fun of the crazy shit she pulled. But believe me when I say If I was to tell all the stories, Oprah and Dr. Phil will be having a bitch fight to get me on their show.

She was a good Mom overall -beatings not included.

She cooked for us. And I’m talking I never had microwave ANYTHING until I got to this country. I only new the kind of juice that came from the actual fruit. Laundry was a funny time because she would want to do laundry and not have enough dirty items and would be asking for us to get something else for her. Yes, she had help in the form of a Maid but she also did a lot all the time. Must of the time she could have just relaxed but she didn't. I know that raising 6 kids was a hard task for her. But she also had kind of like a Military school type of attitude. We got punished and hit more times that I can count. Some with reason, must of it without.

She is so freaking amusing though. The things she did and still does are just plain crazy.

Exhibit A:

Her father owned a large farm in the country. He and grandma decided the children will go to school in the city so they lived in their city house with Grandma. Mom was only at the farm on Holidays and in the Summer. One summer my Mother decided to go to the river to swim and took one of the donkeys to go there. She walked behind the donkey and he proceeded to kick my mom on the side of her stomach. Poor animal never saw it coming.
What does Mommy Dearest decided to do? Well, if it was me or any-other-semi-normal-under-caffeine-person would be doubling on the floor in pain and crying hysterical. But dear mommy had other plans.

She tied the donkey to a tree and… SHE BIT HIM IN THE EAR!!!!
Who does that?! My mother does. She got revenge.

Exhibit B:
When I was around 9 or 10 we forgot my Mother’s birthday. I mean EVERYONE in the house did. My Dad, my older siblings (which by the way where older than me and my sis by 15, 13, 10, 9 yrs). My Mom was in a foul mood all day. We asked what was wrong but she just told us to beat it. Then Dad remembered it at around 6pm. He asked that my older siblings go get a drinks and appetizers. My younger Sis and I tag with Dad to get the cake.
We called our closest Aunt and we got everything ready while Mom was watching TV in the Bedroom.
Then I tried to get her to come out telling her our Aunt was there, to what she responded she did not care and that she was busy. We where trying to pretend a surprise party but she refused to come out of the room.
Then…all of the sudden she gets up from the chair and starts running towards the dinning room where the cake was. I guess the cake was gonna get it no matter what.

She jump at it and with her two hands smashed so bad it look like it was tapioca pudding. There was cake everywhere. Then she threw everything on the table, breaking stuff around.
She screamed and for a moment there I though the voice was coming from one of the Seven demons living inside of her. (Can you guess that movie?)


Suffice to say, we never had.
Over & Out

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